Final Destination 5

Directions:  Pre-watch preview in order to understand preview review. Review after the jump. 

First, it’s important to know that mW’s are a tricky thing.  Exceeding them above 5.0 makes it so your eyebulb goes splat. 


Now, of course, the machine needs to go up that high in case the doctor runs into a real tough eye that doesn’t take well to laser beams, and has to be right back so he can talk at his person helping him. 
Leaving a person’s eye clamped open is a regular doctor move and causes the teddy bear to fall on the ground.  Just to be clear.

This movie looks like it stars the old sage black guy who I think I’ve seen before in some sort of horror movie, also stars Todd Packer, and a bunch of young white people who we’ll never ever see again in any other Hollywood production, probably. And there is a second black guy who is the detective or something and he says “There’s an answer for everything.” 

One of these guys seems to have wisdom about death and Final Destination movies.  This is very crucial to keeping within the character stereotypes that are softly offensive.  There is also a lot of good female typing. Did you know that all females above the age of 25 carry teddy bears to doctor’s offices?  Final Destination got it down pat on this one.

Teddy Bear, yall got dropped to death.

 Here is where Todd Packer dies from oil face at minute 1:14.




 
This is important to note, because as it turns out (spoiler alert!) he is alive and standing behind the scared guy’s reaction shot, just a mere fraction of a second later.  This is to show the unpredictable nature of death.

a-tack.

And then later on we get to see a (possible) death by thumbtack on the balance beam (minute 1:25) and then a (possible) death by dish washing tub cause the guy knocked her over and it kinda fell on her.

tub

This preview talks about all sorts of ways that a person dies when they are just sitting still.  Toward the end, there is an implication that flimsy accu-weather needles can stab through a person chest bones, and pierce their organs and internal supple bodies.  Believe it or not, this really does kill thousands of people a day.  Please donate to needle survivors fund at the bottom of your screen.

Text Needle Death to 299201

Faults:

Harry Potter looking “August” explodes at the end, which takes you out of the reality of the film preview.

Bridge falls a part and is put back together in the next shot i think.  Continuity error alert!

Doctor gets an incomplete file from nurse.  Fake.

hold on BRB

Plus Side:

Got that Blackish, Greenish, Redish, chrome going on in the film’s coloring.  Gives it a nice antique Matrix feel.

ALL IN ALL, A GREAT MOVIE THAT I'M GONNA SEE NEXT WEEK, PROBBY.