The ocean, it turns out, is a pretty decent place to hide if you’re a massive alien mothership waiting patiently for Liam Neeson’s army buddy to come turn on your hull.
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Aliens often go to remote locations to get some shut eye, waiting out the agonizing eons that it takes for one hapless military team to finally come in and get killed for an hour and a half of screen time.
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| "El Blanco, the main Tremor, is back and this time it's underwater" is the tagline |
Generally speaking, aliens only attack humans when they are investigating. Remember in the preview called Alien when Sojourner Truth investigated the alien? She wanted it to just show its face from inside the chest cage and then Boom! Insides ripped into a star burst shape.
You can tell this preview is going to be loud by how many high tech gadgets and down periscopes there are.
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This preview is from Hasbro®, the same people who brought you Transformers® starring John Turturro. Hasbro is also a video game company from, like, the 80’s, and they had Frog Lady®, Lazy Hamburger®, and Eek Help Spike Oh No Molly® as part of their game repertoire back then. So you know this is probably going to be pretty good. Hasbro® also makes a good gummy bear that tastes like a Pink Pet®.
Liam Neeson plays a broken down, lonely old cop who is sponsoring an international war games tournament. During the ‘ment, the team from USA locates a skyscraper in the middle of the water, like no biggie. Everyone is totally freaked about it being there, and the military emails a bunch of design blogs about its odd architectural origin. This is all they came up with:
Soon alien airplanes start zipping around the sky, which are piloted by large housecats in Halo suits. The bad guys shoot their lasers at the Battleships and kill a couple. The USA can’t shoot back because the aliens have a big bubble surrounding them that deflects all their arrows. The bubble is made out of invisible fire that turns airplanes into scratch-off ticket debris.
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| Rihanna fails to penetrate El Blanco's supple skin |
Everyone realizes that their only hope is the Battleships inside the Matrix training bubble. They are equipped to blast music to intimidate the aliens probably. They play things like Stuck in the Middle With You by Steve Miller’s Band, and Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Alien Man by Arlo Guthrie. These songs really get them revved up to sink each others Battleship, which is a highly titular moment.
PLUS SIDES:
This film is sponsored by Burt’s Bees.
FAULTS:
After the preview is a ten minute documentary about overfishing in the oceans starring Tim Tebow.
