Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Adventures in Bro-bysitting

Directions: Pre-watch preview in order to understand preview review. 



Jonah Hill can’t talk his way outta this one! Even though he is a gifted talker/man child, this male babysitter constantly makes people go, “What are YOU talking bout!” in this classic Whodunit of Babysitting. 

Did you dun it?


The star of this joint flexes his acting muscles, finally, and really branches out. Later on during the football game, when the military commercial happens, he calls you a noob, lol. 

The plot go like this: the guy don't wanna answer mommy's cell phone, so she sends him up the river to an old ma'am's house, which turns out to be a loony bin for small people. 

Welcome to my bin, babe

He doesn't really unnerstand anything about these smaller people, and he really talks down to them like they're babies or something. This is when I figured out he was the bad guy. Spoiler event. Well, anyway, so these children though; at some point he tells a goth child that he bets she can’t make him drink perfumes. Guess what happens! She cuts his throat open and all the sins come out lol.



The guy will nearly kill these children during his own quest for love, turns out. But luckily, there are people named Jonas that will make sure your babies are laffing the whole time that they are almost murdered. Here are the scamps now.

William

Jefferson

Hillary


Jonsey gets a rude awakening several times throughout this movie. He keeps doing some serious double takes and going who???? WHOooo????? Then he falls asleep and SNORES so loud that the babies put cheerios down his throat to make a flute noise happen, and they push on his stomach to change notes. It’s a really moving piece of music that they compose. iTunes download $4.99.

Steep price but worth it.


Anyhoo! Jonahs cumber bun keeps flipping up and hitting him in the face in between unscripted-sounding charm. At the end, the parents go “So did you kids have fun tonight?” And the one kid starts barfing glitter all over the rug, and the girl has a neck tattoo of the night they just had.


FAULTS: 

This movie is awarding to bad behavior.


PLUS SIDES:  

Lots of moments.






Thursday, November 3, 2011

Damn Dame

Directions: Pre-watch preview in order to understand preview review. 






Email the downtown rags, newspapers, extry extry read all about it: This damn dame has two many boyfriends!



President’s Day Weekend is about to get tricked out. This film, which premieres on President’s Day Weekend 2012! is an inside look at what happens when the CIA falls in love with the same dame. 


The CIA, played by two bros, are fallin’ hard for this Peppy Pepperson-type.




After they work on their emails, they both sit down and start talking about who will claim ownership of her, who can win her in a contest of secret war, and all that kind of stuff. The Pepperson girl, what's her name, is who they're talking about. 

Then the bros flirt together for a little bit and play this cute laptop game where they show each other what kind of stuff they like to look at on the internet.








Well it turns out they both like to look at Royce Witherspoon!





They don’t want each others’ fruity cologne to stink the air after they are each at her house, kissing her lips. One time, I guess they DO smell it and go apeshit. They throw each other hard enough to end life as we know it! The one gentleman who was in the Unstoppable preview, about a train, with Donzel Washington; well, he throws a gas tank real hard and tries to explode it, I think!



The other guy isn't fazed at all cause he's confused all the time anyway.



The guy from Unstoppable, Chris Pine I just looked him up, gets a dart thrown at him by his friend, the other guy, you know who I'm talking about?
 
Hey!  I made this dart yesterday at the crafts and dart area of the agency.


A couple things you need to know before proceeding with this preview review:

- Pepperson is caught in the crossfire of the fighting and she gets her body twisted to shreds.

- This film is not yet rated - DOES THIS MEAN THERE IS SOME SERIOUS RAUNCH GOING ON??WHAT!!!  [Ed.note: Turns out it is fine. False alarm! Well, except for the part where...Spoiler Event! She gets real drunk and makes Chelsea Handler...I won’t tell you the rest except to say clean up on aisle

- No actors were used in the making of this film. Only stuntmen, which is cool.


PLUS SIDES:

Girl head bangs for about thirty minutes.

 



FAULTS:

Kirk got his cock blocked